I often think about the things I would do if I were ever to get rich. The first thought that comes to mind, (of course), is buying a house with a million acres and little mini dog igloos for the thousands of dogs I am going to rescue and have living in my backyard. Besides the obvious, though, there are many, many conveniences that rich people know as "the norm" but you and I see as luxury. I want them all. All of them. Here are just some of those things.
A lingerie drawer. I desperately want a lingerie drawer. Right now I have a plastic basket where I throw my shit. Mismatched socks, raggedy thongs, bras with broken snaps that don't fit me. And it's all thrown in there. Mixed together and waiting anxiously to piss me off the next time I'm in a hurry looking for a fucking sock that doesn't rise ABOVE my ankles. Which, by the way, have no purpose being in the basket. In fact, I don't know how they got there.. because I did not buy them. I want a lingerie drawer. I want to open up the large drawer and see color coordinated lace.
Matching dishes and silverware. What is kiiiind of getting on my nerves lately is the fact that I have maybe six bowls. Two of the bowls are plastic baby bowls with ducks on them. One of them is a very small glass bowl that I can imagine is used to hold blueberries or water for a small dog. Then the polar opposite, the extremely large glass bowl. Too big for cereal, too small for anything else. There are two clear, plastic bowls that are cracked and somehow always greasy. Like, no matter hard you scrub these fuckers, there is just a layer of oil on them for no reason. Oh! And I forgot about the plate-bowls. They look like plates, but if you get reaaaally close, you can see that they are, in all actuality, bowls. They don't get any use because they have the depth of that drunk guy you tried to have a relationship with but couldn't because he never had anything to say. I want at least ten bowls, and I want them to be actual bowls. I want these bowls to match the plates and the silverware and the fucking measuring cups.
Things that are hung up right. Rich people's stuff is always hung up so right. You just know that all the correct hardware was used on that perfect beige wall with no oil heat stains. 90% of the stuff on my walls were hung up with thumb tacks. The other 10% were hung up with some kind of screw, pounded into the wall by a cement Buddha sculpture.
Display towels. You know how rich people always have those towels in their bathroom that are not to be touched? The ones that are rolled into the shape of a swan or some shit? I want those.
A fat kid pantry. First of all, I want a pantry in general. But second of all, I want this pantry to have EVERYTHING in it. Like Fruit Roll-ups. Oreos. Teddy Grahams. Cases of Diet Coke just waiting to be chilled. Cheet-os. Random boxes of like Rice-a-roni and shit. I won't really eat any of this but it just makes for a comfortable environment.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Fall/Winter- Good Feelings.
The sound the heat makes when it turns on. When it gets dark at like six and everyone's lives slow down and you feel excitement in your bones because you have found a new TV show to invest in for the months to come. Coffee shops advertisements over pumpkin spice lattes. The thought of drinking one and how it makes you feel like everything is right in the world. Buying those 99 cent pairs of gloves and the feeling of amazing warmness when you're freezing to death but you have gloves on and your hands are in your pockets at the same time. Sitting inside a heated car in the middle of a snowstorm. Halloween decorations going up in like August. Buying Halloween candy and pretending you're going to put it in cute glass bowls around your house for when "company" comes over, but you know you're just going to eat the shit out of it at 3 o'clock in the morning when the calories don't count. Buying the newest variation of peacoat from Nordstrom. Putting up Christmas decorations and getting concerned because it is making you way too happy and you think that maybe this is going to lead to some kind of hoarding issue in the future. The fat rolls you've acquired that nobody can see. Going Downtown during Christmas time and seeing movies with your boyfriend or really anyone that will have you. Seattle going back to normal- people are grumpy, it's rainy and cold, the beach is empty, and you are totally 100% overjoyed about it.
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Fat Sixth Grader Mentality.
You know what's a weird thought? To think that each and every one of us, walking around with our chosen identities and masks to hide our true colors, are all realistically just a bunch of fat sixth grader masturbators on the inside.
That's how I associate myself. A fat sixth grader. I realize maybe that's not the grade everyone may choose, but that was by far my fattest and most loserish year to date, thus defining my self image forever. You see, underneath the red lipstick, platinum blonde hair and plethora of tattoos, I am a girl with excema all over her face, a really bad version of Posh Spice's pixie cut (that didn't work out because things like that don't look good on fat sixth graders), a stomach with three neatly placed fat rolls, and the inner dialogue of a girl who still plays school with her little sisters and probably doesn't know what her own vagina looks like. Not to say I was unhappy. In fact, I was quite content with my appearance. My mom instilled a wonderful sense of self-esteem in me which really saved me from being able to see myself in the mirror for what I actually looked like. Which was a raccoon. My deep-set eyes have always been an extremely endearing quality- if I were a rodent.
What I love about this is that every single one of us has these feelings. We are all just putting out into the world what we think people will approve of. Whether or not it is intentional, we are doing everything in our power not to be the kid we were in elementary school. This gives me a warm and happy feeling inside. It makes me feel that I like people more. You see, keeping in mind that we're all just walking around with fat sixth grader mentalities can really help one get ahead in life. It makes the world seem less scary. It makes people seem less intimidating.
Next time you see a hot chick or dude that you feel is way out of your league, consider this. Unless years of praise after their drastic turn for the better has inflated their self-worth to the point of no return, chances are this hot chick or hot dude identifies themselves as a lowly loser- just like you do! So don't let intimidation get the best of you. We're all a bunch of freaks on the inside.
That's how I associate myself. A fat sixth grader. I realize maybe that's not the grade everyone may choose, but that was by far my fattest and most loserish year to date, thus defining my self image forever. You see, underneath the red lipstick, platinum blonde hair and plethora of tattoos, I am a girl with excema all over her face, a really bad version of Posh Spice's pixie cut (that didn't work out because things like that don't look good on fat sixth graders), a stomach with three neatly placed fat rolls, and the inner dialogue of a girl who still plays school with her little sisters and probably doesn't know what her own vagina looks like. Not to say I was unhappy. In fact, I was quite content with my appearance. My mom instilled a wonderful sense of self-esteem in me which really saved me from being able to see myself in the mirror for what I actually looked like. Which was a raccoon. My deep-set eyes have always been an extremely endearing quality- if I were a rodent.
What I love about this is that every single one of us has these feelings. We are all just putting out into the world what we think people will approve of. Whether or not it is intentional, we are doing everything in our power not to be the kid we were in elementary school. This gives me a warm and happy feeling inside. It makes me feel that I like people more. You see, keeping in mind that we're all just walking around with fat sixth grader mentalities can really help one get ahead in life. It makes the world seem less scary. It makes people seem less intimidating.
Next time you see a hot chick or dude that you feel is way out of your league, consider this. Unless years of praise after their drastic turn for the better has inflated their self-worth to the point of no return, chances are this hot chick or hot dude identifies themselves as a lowly loser- just like you do! So don't let intimidation get the best of you. We're all a bunch of freaks on the inside.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
How to get a semi-attractive girl to have sex with you, or even just hang out with you and make you look good so someone else will have sex with you.
Now, before I go into this, let me make one thing clear. Girls like to have sex too. Often, it's all they want from a man. Whoever thought up this whole "girls getting used and getting their poor hearts trampled on" thing was a fucking idiot. Or probably a middle-aged woman who sits around the house all day watching Ann Hathaway movies and complaining about her vagina pains.
Women like to hump too. It's only natural. But since we are the more vulnerable of the species, if often seems that women are the ones getting fucked over by horny dudes who are just trying to put their wee-wee in something. In reality, a lot of women out there want the same things men want. The stupid women are the ones who allow themselves to "get used" by men and then complain about it for days. Nobody forced you to drink ten Bamboozles, seduce the guy at the bar and have consensual sex with him. Why are you now, the next day after you regret your decision, whining and bitching that this guy "totally used you"? Shut UP! While I understand there are always other circumstances, I am speaking on behalf of the women who simply just want to get laid, and can't seem to find a man that doesn't make her feel like she's simply just getting laid.
So I write this, not only for men to get a clue, but for the women that they are preying upon. Those women probably want to have sex with you, but the minute you fuck it up, say the wrong thing or wear the wrong shoes, your chance is OVER. If you don't want it to be, you should probably listen to everything I say.
First things first, you must find a middle ground between that fat boy complex you have inside your head, and that other complex which somehow allows you to believe that walking up to a woman will make her want to have sex with you. You're not that fucking hot, and if you were, you probably wouldn't need to read this.
On the contrary, no girl wants to fuck a man that wouldn't fuck himself. So figure out how to not consider yourself ugly, stupid and boring. The minute you say something like, "Yeah.. hot girls don't like me" or "Wow... someone like you would really want to go out with ME?" Yeah, that's the minute we realize you have ZERO confidence. And it grosses us out. I cannot stress it enough.. no matter HOW ugly you are, you CAN get a woman. If you are not getting any, you are simply sabotaging it for yourself.
So get that shit straight. Once you do that, find someone. And don't just go for anyone that has a vagina. Women can tell when you're not picky, which is also gross, because it leads us to believe that ALL you care about is getting dome by anyone who will have you. SICK. Find a girl that you think is hot, that you may have a chance with, and chat it up with her. If she is taken or uninterested, do not move on to one of her friends. Find a new group.
Okay, so, it's pretty self-explanatory what to do once this girl is seemingly interested in you. Obviously, don't fuck it up. You're going to want to invite her out on a casual date, not too casual and not too fancy. Something fun and not weird or obviously based around you getting laid. Something normal.
Once she agrees, because she probably will since you will not be acting like a douche-bag, leave it at that. Finish up your hangout session, agree to pick her up and said time and date, and leave for the night.
So, date night has come. I must stress that you need to show up at her house EXACTLY on time. If you are even the slightest bit early, you look eager. And it's also annoying as fuck because we are not done getting ready yet. We will be getting ready until the exact moment we are supposed to leave. You must also not show up late. Five minutes late TOPS.
Now, you are on the date. The girl has entered your vehicle, and of course you have the heat blasting and you are not playing douchey music. You are doing anything and everything to keep the conversation flowing. You reach your destination, let's just say you two are meeting at a bar/venue, which is usually the norm these days.
I realize that you have both chosen a place which is centered around booze and bad decisions, but you must not do what is expected of you. You are allowed to have three drinks at the most. The moment you start pounding the booze is the moment we realize you are totally an alcoholic. No girl wants to fuck a guy who she's probably going to have to be merely "tolerating" in less than an hour.
She is allowed to drink as much as she wants, but you are not going to condone her drinking more than she should. If she sees that you're not getting shit-faced, she probably won't want to either. Now, here comes the important part. No matter how tipsy or drunk she gets, you DO NOT invite her over to your place after. DO NOT hint, in any way, that you took her on this date because you wanted to get laid. There is a HUGE chance that she wants to have sex with you, if all is going well, but listen. And listen good. SHE MUST THINK THAT THE SEX IS HER IDEA. Yes, you heard me. She MUST think that any type of sexual encounter that happens between the two of you was HER idea and HER idea alone. Why? Because she doesn't want to feel like a piece of meat.
This is what a woman is thinking: "Wow. He is fucking HOT. Oh man. I wanna do him. I could do him. I'm really considering it actually. Maybe I will invite him over. But... it may be too soon tonight. I don't wanna come off as a whore. But DEFINITELY next time. But... if it does happen tonight, that would be okay too. But I'm going to see how it goes. Things are going well so far. What if I just invite him over, and it doesn't have to be anything. Then maybe.. maybe things will get hot and we'll start making out. And maybe just leave it at that... or maybe do more. Hmmm. That could be fun."
The minute that you RUDELY interrupt our train of thought by saying, "So... ya wanna come over to my place?" That's the moment our dreams are crushed. That's the moment we realize that nothing magical is going to happen, there will be no more excitement, no more build-up, no more "what if's". Nothin'. That is the moment that you become "that guy". And "that guy" only gets laid by dumb, ugly girls.
So, if she never invites you over on this date, don't poop your pants over it. Because guess what. The moment you say, "Alright lady.. this has been fun, howbout I give you a ride home and we can plan something for next weekend?" That is THE moment. Inside, this girl is thinking "OH YES. THIS GUY IS FUCKING HOT, NOT DESPERATE, AND HAS CLASS. YES YES YES YES YES." If you didn't get laid tonight, you're definitely getting laid next time.
You must not be eager. Your eagerness is completely fucking transparent to us. If you want to get laid but you can't wait till a second date or hangout to do it, you are way too fucking eager. Get a damn hooker.
Not all women are as stupid as they are often made out to be. The smart ones, we know what's up. We know the ins and outs of all your games. We know what you want the minute you lay your feasting eyes on us. And guess what? We want that too. The reason you may not be getting it is completely and utterly YOUR fault. So before you try your normal tactics, think again. You can have WHATEVER you want. It's all how you go about it.
Women like to hump too. It's only natural. But since we are the more vulnerable of the species, if often seems that women are the ones getting fucked over by horny dudes who are just trying to put their wee-wee in something. In reality, a lot of women out there want the same things men want. The stupid women are the ones who allow themselves to "get used" by men and then complain about it for days. Nobody forced you to drink ten Bamboozles, seduce the guy at the bar and have consensual sex with him. Why are you now, the next day after you regret your decision, whining and bitching that this guy "totally used you"? Shut UP! While I understand there are always other circumstances, I am speaking on behalf of the women who simply just want to get laid, and can't seem to find a man that doesn't make her feel like she's simply just getting laid.
So I write this, not only for men to get a clue, but for the women that they are preying upon. Those women probably want to have sex with you, but the minute you fuck it up, say the wrong thing or wear the wrong shoes, your chance is OVER. If you don't want it to be, you should probably listen to everything I say.
First things first, you must find a middle ground between that fat boy complex you have inside your head, and that other complex which somehow allows you to believe that walking up to a woman will make her want to have sex with you. You're not that fucking hot, and if you were, you probably wouldn't need to read this.
On the contrary, no girl wants to fuck a man that wouldn't fuck himself. So figure out how to not consider yourself ugly, stupid and boring. The minute you say something like, "Yeah.. hot girls don't like me" or "Wow... someone like you would really want to go out with ME?" Yeah, that's the minute we realize you have ZERO confidence. And it grosses us out. I cannot stress it enough.. no matter HOW ugly you are, you CAN get a woman. If you are not getting any, you are simply sabotaging it for yourself.
So get that shit straight. Once you do that, find someone. And don't just go for anyone that has a vagina. Women can tell when you're not picky, which is also gross, because it leads us to believe that ALL you care about is getting dome by anyone who will have you. SICK. Find a girl that you think is hot, that you may have a chance with, and chat it up with her. If she is taken or uninterested, do not move on to one of her friends. Find a new group.
Okay, so, it's pretty self-explanatory what to do once this girl is seemingly interested in you. Obviously, don't fuck it up. You're going to want to invite her out on a casual date, not too casual and not too fancy. Something fun and not weird or obviously based around you getting laid. Something normal.
Once she agrees, because she probably will since you will not be acting like a douche-bag, leave it at that. Finish up your hangout session, agree to pick her up and said time and date, and leave for the night.
So, date night has come. I must stress that you need to show up at her house EXACTLY on time. If you are even the slightest bit early, you look eager. And it's also annoying as fuck because we are not done getting ready yet. We will be getting ready until the exact moment we are supposed to leave. You must also not show up late. Five minutes late TOPS.
Now, you are on the date. The girl has entered your vehicle, and of course you have the heat blasting and you are not playing douchey music. You are doing anything and everything to keep the conversation flowing. You reach your destination, let's just say you two are meeting at a bar/venue, which is usually the norm these days.
I realize that you have both chosen a place which is centered around booze and bad decisions, but you must not do what is expected of you. You are allowed to have three drinks at the most. The moment you start pounding the booze is the moment we realize you are totally an alcoholic. No girl wants to fuck a guy who she's probably going to have to be merely "tolerating" in less than an hour.
She is allowed to drink as much as she wants, but you are not going to condone her drinking more than she should. If she sees that you're not getting shit-faced, she probably won't want to either. Now, here comes the important part. No matter how tipsy or drunk she gets, you DO NOT invite her over to your place after. DO NOT hint, in any way, that you took her on this date because you wanted to get laid. There is a HUGE chance that she wants to have sex with you, if all is going well, but listen. And listen good. SHE MUST THINK THAT THE SEX IS HER IDEA. Yes, you heard me. She MUST think that any type of sexual encounter that happens between the two of you was HER idea and HER idea alone. Why? Because she doesn't want to feel like a piece of meat.
This is what a woman is thinking: "Wow. He is fucking HOT. Oh man. I wanna do him. I could do him. I'm really considering it actually. Maybe I will invite him over. But... it may be too soon tonight. I don't wanna come off as a whore. But DEFINITELY next time. But... if it does happen tonight, that would be okay too. But I'm going to see how it goes. Things are going well so far. What if I just invite him over, and it doesn't have to be anything. Then maybe.. maybe things will get hot and we'll start making out. And maybe just leave it at that... or maybe do more. Hmmm. That could be fun."
The minute that you RUDELY interrupt our train of thought by saying, "So... ya wanna come over to my place?" That's the moment our dreams are crushed. That's the moment we realize that nothing magical is going to happen, there will be no more excitement, no more build-up, no more "what if's". Nothin'. That is the moment that you become "that guy". And "that guy" only gets laid by dumb, ugly girls.
So, if she never invites you over on this date, don't poop your pants over it. Because guess what. The moment you say, "Alright lady.. this has been fun, howbout I give you a ride home and we can plan something for next weekend?" That is THE moment. Inside, this girl is thinking "OH YES. THIS GUY IS FUCKING HOT, NOT DESPERATE, AND HAS CLASS. YES YES YES YES YES." If you didn't get laid tonight, you're definitely getting laid next time.
You must not be eager. Your eagerness is completely fucking transparent to us. If you want to get laid but you can't wait till a second date or hangout to do it, you are way too fucking eager. Get a damn hooker.
Not all women are as stupid as they are often made out to be. The smart ones, we know what's up. We know the ins and outs of all your games. We know what you want the minute you lay your feasting eyes on us. And guess what? We want that too. The reason you may not be getting it is completely and utterly YOUR fault. So before you try your normal tactics, think again. You can have WHATEVER you want. It's all how you go about it.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Emotional Eater.
Below I have a list of human emotions, and the relationship each has with food.
-Anxiety over upcoming events->The feeling of stress->Food of every kind enters the mouth at every second of the day.
-Getting dumped->The feeling of stress/heartache->Only coffee, cigarettes, alcohol and/or your preference of drugs will be consumed for the next 3-6 weeks. Absolutely no food except the bare minimum needed to stay alive will be consumed.
-The use of adderall/cocaine/ecstasy/every drug besides marijuana->Temporary feelings of life being perfect->One will most likely be disgusted by the thought of food of any kind. When consumed, food will mimic the feeling of eating sand. After said drug has worn off, one will experience a feeling of unbearable hunger and will proceed to consume anything/everything available.
-The honeymoon stage->The feeling of being in love->Food will only be eaten when the other party eats, so that they don't think you're weird. Inside, though, the nervous-excited-poopy feeling is happening constantly making it impossible to find any interest in food whatsoever.
-Being in a serious relationship->Feelings of unconditional love/boredom/everyday stress->Regular-large amounts of food will be consumed. Mostly a lot of snacking. Late at night preferably.
-Pregnancy->Feelings of annoyance/stress/outbursts of love and happiness/exhaustion/fits of emotion/crying fits/lack of sex drive/too much sex drive/feeling fat/a baby growing inside you->One will consume extremely large meals, then get really full, really quickly. Only to discover, thirty minutes later that they are starving once again.
-Seeing yourself on video->Feelings of self-hatred/extreme vanity/self-loathing/disgust/anxiety/anger/rage->Everything and anything will be eaten that day, as it is going to be the last day you ever eat again.
-Coming down from any drug->Feelings of extreme exhaustion/possible sudden death/total depression/paranoia/sadness/anger/a loss of interest for pretty much everything even puppies->Large glasses of milk, big bowls of fruit, and anything that your mom may have once cooked you for breakfast will be consumed, as to make you feel like you are still the child you once were, and if not that, at least a normal, functioning human being.
-Boredom->Feelings of boredom->Food is pretty much the only thing around worthy of counting on.
-Recent weight loss->Feelings of total elation/true and real happiness/all is right in the world/nothing can bring you down/the sun is shining everywhere/everyone wants to be you/gratefulness just to be living->Eating food becomes enjoyable, since one has zero desire to go overboard.
-Hearing your ex has moved on->Feelings of hatred/rage/hellish doom/anxiety ridden panic attacks/utter depression/annoyance/urge to kill->Any food that was once consumed will immediately and forcefully be spewed out of one's mouth through the act of making oneself vomit.
-Being single for a long period of time->Feelings of boredom/loneliness/horniness->The act of yo-yo dieting will occur, pretty much every day.
-Anxiety over upcoming events->The feeling of stress->Food of every kind enters the mouth at every second of the day.
-Getting dumped->The feeling of stress/heartache->Only coffee, cigarettes, alcohol and/or your preference of drugs will be consumed for the next 3-6 weeks. Absolutely no food except the bare minimum needed to stay alive will be consumed.
-The use of adderall/cocaine/ecstasy/every drug besides marijuana->Temporary feelings of life being perfect->One will most likely be disgusted by the thought of food of any kind. When consumed, food will mimic the feeling of eating sand. After said drug has worn off, one will experience a feeling of unbearable hunger and will proceed to consume anything/everything available.
-The honeymoon stage->The feeling of being in love->Food will only be eaten when the other party eats, so that they don't think you're weird. Inside, though, the nervous-excited-poopy feeling is happening constantly making it impossible to find any interest in food whatsoever.
-Being in a serious relationship->Feelings of unconditional love/boredom/everyday stress->Regular-large amounts of food will be consumed. Mostly a lot of snacking. Late at night preferably.
-Pregnancy->Feelings of annoyance/stress/outbursts of love and happiness/exhaustion/fits of emotion/crying fits/lack of sex drive/too much sex drive/feeling fat/a baby growing inside you->One will consume extremely large meals, then get really full, really quickly. Only to discover, thirty minutes later that they are starving once again.
-Seeing yourself on video->Feelings of self-hatred/extreme vanity/self-loathing/disgust/anxiety/anger/rage->Everything and anything will be eaten that day, as it is going to be the last day you ever eat again.
-Coming down from any drug->Feelings of extreme exhaustion/possible sudden death/total depression/paranoia/sadness/anger/a loss of interest for pretty much everything even puppies->Large glasses of milk, big bowls of fruit, and anything that your mom may have once cooked you for breakfast will be consumed, as to make you feel like you are still the child you once were, and if not that, at least a normal, functioning human being.
-Boredom->Feelings of boredom->Food is pretty much the only thing around worthy of counting on.
-Recent weight loss->Feelings of total elation/true and real happiness/all is right in the world/nothing can bring you down/the sun is shining everywhere/everyone wants to be you/gratefulness just to be living->Eating food becomes enjoyable, since one has zero desire to go overboard.
-Hearing your ex has moved on->Feelings of hatred/rage/hellish doom/anxiety ridden panic attacks/utter depression/annoyance/urge to kill->Any food that was once consumed will immediately and forcefully be spewed out of one's mouth through the act of making oneself vomit.
-Being single for a long period of time->Feelings of boredom/loneliness/horniness->The act of yo-yo dieting will occur, pretty much every day.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
That one day.
We sat on the warm, crisp grass, planting ourselves right in the middle of the big park we had been driving all day to find. It was the most perfect park in the world, and it was lucky that we were stopping by. Guitars in hand, sunglasses on, hardly any clothes, we were a sight to be seen. The day was bright, the sun was hot, the surroundings unfamiliar. We swore that day that we were moving here, no matter what we had to do, we were moving here.
A feeling of contentment permeated our grins for those few hours. We knew no one. No one could touch us. We owned the town. This park was our park and we were singing in it. A perfect buzz had floated to our brains, the kind of day-drinking that makes you wonder why you never day-drink. Beneath the exterior of our over-dramatic antics our hearts were sad, and we were lonely. But not today. Not on this day. On this day no one could tell us a thing.
Days like this, they came sparingly. Between the endless Seattle nights, over-indulging on whiskey and cigarettes and falling on sidewalks getting skinned knees, and creating fake interests in men who bored us, days like this were treasured. The heartache of past loves and the feeling of monotony and boredom and pain all fell to the wayside on this day, and all we had was sun. And a best friend. And a good buzz. And a feeling that everything was right in the world, a feeling of unimaginable hope, if only for a few hours. You never realize it at the time, that you will remember this day forever.
A feeling of contentment permeated our grins for those few hours. We knew no one. No one could touch us. We owned the town. This park was our park and we were singing in it. A perfect buzz had floated to our brains, the kind of day-drinking that makes you wonder why you never day-drink. Beneath the exterior of our over-dramatic antics our hearts were sad, and we were lonely. But not today. Not on this day. On this day no one could tell us a thing.
Days like this, they came sparingly. Between the endless Seattle nights, over-indulging on whiskey and cigarettes and falling on sidewalks getting skinned knees, and creating fake interests in men who bored us, days like this were treasured. The heartache of past loves and the feeling of monotony and boredom and pain all fell to the wayside on this day, and all we had was sun. And a best friend. And a good buzz. And a feeling that everything was right in the world, a feeling of unimaginable hope, if only for a few hours. You never realize it at the time, that you will remember this day forever.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
A Story.
Can't go back now. The decision has been made in one swift, effortless move. I am starting to feel sweaty and excited. The kind of excitement you feel when you're spooning with a guy you like and are thinking about sex, or when your drug dealer answers his phone. The kind of excitement that makes you poop.
I look at him and I know it is only a matter of time, now. We lay around and do normal things. Go outside and smoke a cigarette. Walk inside and go on the computer. Look at things. Make pointless conversation. The kind you make when you're waiting for something to happen. You'll never remember what it was about.
I am not sure what to expect, so I continue on with my normalcy. When it stops being normal, I'll know.
In what felt like half a second, everything changed. It's as if it had crawled slowly down my spine and burst at once, combusting inside my little body, not knowing where to go or what to do, only that it was there.
I looked over at him and I knew he was starting to feel it, too. I sensed a panic in him, almost. Our sentences to each other felt brief, almost robotic. "You feel it?" "Um, I dunno." "I feel it." Conversation felt extremely weird, wrong. Distorted. My eyes roll back.
I am no longer in control of my extremities. I lay on my back and I feel like a cat in heat. When I breathe, the sound of each breath is magnified inside my head. I hear myself sighing loudly in and out, and I wonder if I am the only one that can hear it. I am not inside my head now, I am inside someone else's. I rub my body all over the sheets. I start to feel a little overwhelmed, almost scared. What is this that's going on? Will this pass? It felt to be too much.
My entire being is warm. Blood has rushed to every part of me, warm blood. Tingly blood. Happy blood. My eyes shutter as if I'm blinking them uncontrollably but I'm not. I open a piece of gum and put it in my mouth. It is shockingly sweet, and it doesn't feel right. It is as if my saliva is breaking it down, and it is disintigrating into nothing but a tiny strand as thin as a hair. I chew it hard, mouth opening and closing dramatically with every chew. My brain is spinning and I have no recollection as to what is going on or what he is doing or feeling, I am purely living for each single moment. I twiddle the gum wrapper between my fingers and it becomes smaller and smaller, until it disappears completely.
I stand and feel as if my head was once a bowling ball glued to that bed and now I am light as a feather. Every feeling I have ever felt in my life rushes up to my head at this very moment. I literally dance across the carpet, twirling around like a ballerina in long, graceful strides. This is quite the feeling. A grin overcomes my face, I am laughing. I am pursing my lips. I am grabbing my tits and running around the room. The cat is not a cat. The carpet is now my grass and I am in a meadow filled with flowers.
I look at him and I know it is only a matter of time, now. We lay around and do normal things. Go outside and smoke a cigarette. Walk inside and go on the computer. Look at things. Make pointless conversation. The kind you make when you're waiting for something to happen. You'll never remember what it was about.
I am not sure what to expect, so I continue on with my normalcy. When it stops being normal, I'll know.
In what felt like half a second, everything changed. It's as if it had crawled slowly down my spine and burst at once, combusting inside my little body, not knowing where to go or what to do, only that it was there.
I looked over at him and I knew he was starting to feel it, too. I sensed a panic in him, almost. Our sentences to each other felt brief, almost robotic. "You feel it?" "Um, I dunno." "I feel it." Conversation felt extremely weird, wrong. Distorted. My eyes roll back.
I am no longer in control of my extremities. I lay on my back and I feel like a cat in heat. When I breathe, the sound of each breath is magnified inside my head. I hear myself sighing loudly in and out, and I wonder if I am the only one that can hear it. I am not inside my head now, I am inside someone else's. I rub my body all over the sheets. I start to feel a little overwhelmed, almost scared. What is this that's going on? Will this pass? It felt to be too much.
My entire being is warm. Blood has rushed to every part of me, warm blood. Tingly blood. Happy blood. My eyes shutter as if I'm blinking them uncontrollably but I'm not. I open a piece of gum and put it in my mouth. It is shockingly sweet, and it doesn't feel right. It is as if my saliva is breaking it down, and it is disintigrating into nothing but a tiny strand as thin as a hair. I chew it hard, mouth opening and closing dramatically with every chew. My brain is spinning and I have no recollection as to what is going on or what he is doing or feeling, I am purely living for each single moment. I twiddle the gum wrapper between my fingers and it becomes smaller and smaller, until it disappears completely.
I stand and feel as if my head was once a bowling ball glued to that bed and now I am light as a feather. Every feeling I have ever felt in my life rushes up to my head at this very moment. I literally dance across the carpet, twirling around like a ballerina in long, graceful strides. This is quite the feeling. A grin overcomes my face, I am laughing. I am pursing my lips. I am grabbing my tits and running around the room. The cat is not a cat. The carpet is now my grass and I am in a meadow filled with flowers.
The Daily Whine.
I keep stumbling across people who are pretending to be deep by writing really emo, depressing-type blogs. "Underneath all the smiles, there's a sadness I can't explain". Really? Good to know. Isn't that like, 90% of the population? Look, if you really were as suicidal as you're making yourself sound, you would have shut down every known piece of technology you have a long time ago. You wouldn't be fucking blogging about it. Shut up. Shut up shut up.
Almost as bad as the quoters. "Dance like no one is watching". How about, "Fingerbang me while your cat is in the room". I like that better.
On another note, lots of things have been really cool lately. Although, they are not super interesting to read, which is why I prefer to complain about people instead. We can all agree that people are, almost always, doing stupid shit worth reading.
When I come up with more, I will surely update you.
Almost as bad as the quoters. "Dance like no one is watching". How about, "Fingerbang me while your cat is in the room". I like that better.
On another note, lots of things have been really cool lately. Although, they are not super interesting to read, which is why I prefer to complain about people instead. We can all agree that people are, almost always, doing stupid shit worth reading.
When I come up with more, I will surely update you.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Why I Love Yelp.
"I was excited to try this place after reading the review in the Seattle times.. I love Vietnamese sandwiches & have been looking for a good place in West Seattle.. The blond girl w/tattoos working was incredibly rude & unfriendly. I would've just left since she was acting like i was ruining her day by coming in, but I was starving.. so I ordered the tofu sandwich. She started making it, then a cute guy came in- she ripped off the gloves & asked him if he wanted his usual coffee. He said 'no just a sandwich'. I was shocked that she would move on to him when she was almost done slapping my sandwich together. I asked twice for jalapenos but she forgot.. I was so bummed cuz I hafta have em in my Vietnamese sandwiches- that's why I asked 2times. After driving a few minutes I was home & couldn't wait to eat.. The food here is NASTY! The veggies all were brown & old, the tofu was mushy & disgusting and she put so much mayo!! The bread was soaked- I could literally wring juice out of it! It was totally inedible but who would wanna eat something that gross?!?!! Bottom line: horrible rude girl behind the counter & substandard food. I hope the owner of this business can find someone who is actually nice to the customers & not just sitting talking to her girlfriends at work all day"
-Megan L (cunt)
-Megan L (cunt)
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Sweet Beautiful madam lol.
Example of the types of messages I receive:
"it looks like u re already taken but u re here on naked black men re u? Happy new year Sweet Beautiful madam lol,
just want u to know i'ld love to lick u right if u let me, make u sigh if u let me, massage ur back if u let me, kiss ur feet if u let me, cos i adore u, the way u look, i respect the fact u could be old enough to be my older sister if u re older or younger sister if u re younger, but i've found sweetness in ur name and pic like never seen before, and it wont be nice if i let u slip away without expressing my thoughts for you, holla @ your boi mam and u'll be happy u did cos in my eyes theres love, wont u agree?"
"it looks like u re already taken but u re here on naked black men re u? Happy new year Sweet Beautiful madam lol,
just want u to know i'ld love to lick u right if u let me, make u sigh if u let me, massage ur back if u let me, kiss ur feet if u let me, cos i adore u, the way u look, i respect the fact u could be old enough to be my older sister if u re older or younger sister if u re younger, but i've found sweetness in ur name and pic like never seen before, and it wont be nice if i let u slip away without expressing my thoughts for you, holla @ your boi mam and u'll be happy u did cos in my eyes theres love, wont u agree?"
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Carrots and other things.
Wednesday night. I lay in bed. Plate of carrots and ranch beside me. There is one carrot on the plate I refuse to eat because it has brown stuff on it. This carrot looks deceivingly gross, though I know it will probably taste much better than the flawless one beside it, which will probably be that one carrot that tastes like chemicals. Kind of a metaphor to life wouldn't you say?
The Simpsons is on because I like noise coming from the television at all times. I don't like The Simpsons, I never have. But it's either that or one of those new C.S.I. wannabe shows. Or a show called "Brothers and Sisters" which I pathetically tuned into a few nights ago about old people, and how they have sex. Also starring that really skinny bitch from Ally McBeal. (Score!)
And I was right. I just took a bite of the seemingly perfect carrot and it DID taste like chemicals. I am not making this up.
Wow. That plate of carrots and ranch sure did not suffice my unrelenting desire to get fucked up.
Sometimes I am so lazy that I will actually try to survive in extremely uncomfortable situations due to the sole fact that I don't want to get up. Take for instance, the heat. It's far too hot in here. So you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna open the window. Because the window is behind me, and the heat knob would require me to stand.
I often wonder what kind of person you would have to be to prefer cats over dogs. My perception is that people ONLY have cats because they, for one reason or another, can't get a dog. But to prefer a cat? I don't trust those people. Two out of every thirty cats is actually semi-decent, and one out of those two cats will end up being a fatass. That means you have like an 80% chance of getting a cat that isn't COMPLETELY fucked. People who prefer cats also don't know how to love, studies show. What studies? Just some studies. Whatever.
People who prefer cats also believe that the chicks in the "Loveline" and "Quest" commercials actually look like that, and aren't, in reality, twenty year divorced, middle-aged broads with deep, sultry voices and compulsive eating habits.
The Simpsons is on because I like noise coming from the television at all times. I don't like The Simpsons, I never have. But it's either that or one of those new C.S.I. wannabe shows. Or a show called "Brothers and Sisters" which I pathetically tuned into a few nights ago about old people, and how they have sex. Also starring that really skinny bitch from Ally McBeal. (Score!)
And I was right. I just took a bite of the seemingly perfect carrot and it DID taste like chemicals. I am not making this up.
Wow. That plate of carrots and ranch sure did not suffice my unrelenting desire to get fucked up.
Sometimes I am so lazy that I will actually try to survive in extremely uncomfortable situations due to the sole fact that I don't want to get up. Take for instance, the heat. It's far too hot in here. So you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna open the window. Because the window is behind me, and the heat knob would require me to stand.
I often wonder what kind of person you would have to be to prefer cats over dogs. My perception is that people ONLY have cats because they, for one reason or another, can't get a dog. But to prefer a cat? I don't trust those people. Two out of every thirty cats is actually semi-decent, and one out of those two cats will end up being a fatass. That means you have like an 80% chance of getting a cat that isn't COMPLETELY fucked. People who prefer cats also don't know how to love, studies show. What studies? Just some studies. Whatever.
People who prefer cats also believe that the chicks in the "Loveline" and "Quest" commercials actually look like that, and aren't, in reality, twenty year divorced, middle-aged broads with deep, sultry voices and compulsive eating habits.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Jingle ballz.
I am not going to write any New Years resolutions this year because they're dumb. If there is one thing I have learned about myself up to this point it's that I will never exercise.
I think I have done all the changing anyone possibly could within the last couple months and that's good enough for me. Rather than tell a bunch of people I'm going to do a bunch of shit I'll forget about in a week, I'm just going to keep on doing what I'm doing. Because it seems to be working out.
If I could have anything for Christmas, repercussions not an option, I would choose a lifetime supply of Vicodin. There are times once in awhile when I wish someone would step on my foot really hard and break a bone or accidentally do something temporarily painful but not life-altering to me so I could get a prescription to Vicodin. I realize this is somewhat fucked and Vicodin's not that cool anyway, right? I know.
I have already forgotten about that thought though, and instead I'm going to talk about some other things that don't matter. Like milk, and how good it is.
There's a reason Santa drinks milk with his cookies. He has good taste. Although I do think Santa uses milk as a cover-up for his severe alcoholism. Why else would he be so fat with such a red, bulbous nose?
I like to think that people prefer hand-made gifts over store-bought gifts and this is how I justify buying myself shit during the Holidays.
It'd be cool if I walked into my room on Christmas day and there was a naked man standing under my doorway. Mistletoe or not, it'd be a nice surprise. Instead, I'm probably going to be experiencing Zoe in an ugly sweater laying on my floor eating yogurt and talking about how she really needs to get laid.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
I think I have done all the changing anyone possibly could within the last couple months and that's good enough for me. Rather than tell a bunch of people I'm going to do a bunch of shit I'll forget about in a week, I'm just going to keep on doing what I'm doing. Because it seems to be working out.
If I could have anything for Christmas, repercussions not an option, I would choose a lifetime supply of Vicodin. There are times once in awhile when I wish someone would step on my foot really hard and break a bone or accidentally do something temporarily painful but not life-altering to me so I could get a prescription to Vicodin. I realize this is somewhat fucked and Vicodin's not that cool anyway, right? I know.
I have already forgotten about that thought though, and instead I'm going to talk about some other things that don't matter. Like milk, and how good it is.
There's a reason Santa drinks milk with his cookies. He has good taste. Although I do think Santa uses milk as a cover-up for his severe alcoholism. Why else would he be so fat with such a red, bulbous nose?
I like to think that people prefer hand-made gifts over store-bought gifts and this is how I justify buying myself shit during the Holidays.
It'd be cool if I walked into my room on Christmas day and there was a naked man standing under my doorway. Mistletoe or not, it'd be a nice surprise. Instead, I'm probably going to be experiencing Zoe in an ugly sweater laying on my floor eating yogurt and talking about how she really needs to get laid.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
THANKSGIVING!
In honor of it being Thanksgiving tomorrow, I have compiled a list of all the things I am thankful for this year.
- Living in a newly built home that has an instant fireplace and instant heat. Waiting for the heat to come on is always dreadful.
- Living with badass roommates who always decide to do all the cleaning while I'm at work. Thanks guys!
- Zoe's easily transformable (clay) face and the fact that she will let me take pictures of her looking like complete shit and put them on Facebook.
- My mom for being hot. Also for buying me groceries, always having food at her house, going to church with me, always having good advice, being the BEST cook in town, being a great listener, and just being the best mom ever.
- My sisters: Donna for always being on Facebook when I am and Facebook chatting me through the most boring of days. Mary for always saying things like "Henna look at those little tiny wrists!" or "Woahh Hennsters you my sister!" Gracie for being the sister that will listen to my songs on her ipod. Nola for just being Nola... never a complaint coming from this ginger. Also her wardrobe. Zoe for being my husband.
- Darci for her boobs (duh), but also for being my right-hand woman and partner in crime.
- Lacey, not for being across the country but for the fact that I know when she comes back she will still be my best friend.
- Boys.
- Elliott Smith on rainy nights.
- Black clothing. You never let me down.
- The Westwood Village Target. I have so much love for you. You smell like new shoes and popcorn and material possessions. Never leave my side.
- Living in a great city. Working at a spot where I can look out the window and see the water and the city lights and sunrises and sunsets.
- Awesome tattoo artists.
- Guitars. Always there for me in good times and bad.
- Diet Coke.
- Not being born with any weird genetic problems or diseases.
- Met Market and everything in it.
- Having a plethora of people in my life that give a shit about me and that I give a shit about.
- Make-up. Not sure what I'd do without it.
- Bleach and tones.
- The fact that at one time good music was still made and at least I have that to hold on to.
- The feeling of being in love with someone.
- Reefer.
- A secure job, a lot of people don't have one.
- Being able to text. It really alleviates all awkwardness.
- Facebook. I am very thankful for Facebook. It cures my boredom and it has helped me meet literally every single boyfriend. Thanks Facebook!
- My bosses Hiep and Loreen for keeping me around for 5 years.
- New friends.
- New socks.
- Christmas decorations. I'm going all out this year. Soccer mom status.
- The puppies living inside my dog Coco. They are going to be bundles of joy.
- All my metal mansion friends. You are all just good, solid friends through thick and thin. You have glorified high-fives, long hair and bands like Pantera. I knew nothing of this before I met you guys.
- Road trips to SF where only Zoe can drive.
- Bubbles sammys.
- Bandannas.
- Head.
- Coziness. Clean house, candles burning, fireplace, movies, cookies, good company, heat, happiness.
- Not ever having gotten preggers like everyone else.
- My pops.
- Big family dinners where everyone is laughing.
- Snoqualmie falls.
- Dan Auerbach- thanks for being born.
- Federal Way: never thought I'd say this but we had some good times this year.
- Straighteners. All of us would look like we got electrocuted without them.
- Snuggling.
- Living in a newly built home that has an instant fireplace and instant heat. Waiting for the heat to come on is always dreadful.
- Living with badass roommates who always decide to do all the cleaning while I'm at work. Thanks guys!
- Zoe's easily transformable (clay) face and the fact that she will let me take pictures of her looking like complete shit and put them on Facebook.
- My mom for being hot. Also for buying me groceries, always having food at her house, going to church with me, always having good advice, being the BEST cook in town, being a great listener, and just being the best mom ever.
- My sisters: Donna for always being on Facebook when I am and Facebook chatting me through the most boring of days. Mary for always saying things like "Henna look at those little tiny wrists!" or "Woahh Hennsters you my sister!" Gracie for being the sister that will listen to my songs on her ipod. Nola for just being Nola... never a complaint coming from this ginger. Also her wardrobe. Zoe for being my husband.
- Darci for her boobs (duh), but also for being my right-hand woman and partner in crime.
- Lacey, not for being across the country but for the fact that I know when she comes back she will still be my best friend.
- Boys.
- Elliott Smith on rainy nights.
- Black clothing. You never let me down.
- The Westwood Village Target. I have so much love for you. You smell like new shoes and popcorn and material possessions. Never leave my side.
- Living in a great city. Working at a spot where I can look out the window and see the water and the city lights and sunrises and sunsets.
- Awesome tattoo artists.
- Guitars. Always there for me in good times and bad.
- Diet Coke.
- Not being born with any weird genetic problems or diseases.
- Met Market and everything in it.
- Having a plethora of people in my life that give a shit about me and that I give a shit about.
- Make-up. Not sure what I'd do without it.
- Bleach and tones.
- The fact that at one time good music was still made and at least I have that to hold on to.
- The feeling of being in love with someone.
- Reefer.
- A secure job, a lot of people don't have one.
- Being able to text. It really alleviates all awkwardness.
- Facebook. I am very thankful for Facebook. It cures my boredom and it has helped me meet literally every single boyfriend. Thanks Facebook!
- My bosses Hiep and Loreen for keeping me around for 5 years.
- New friends.
- New socks.
- Christmas decorations. I'm going all out this year. Soccer mom status.
- The puppies living inside my dog Coco. They are going to be bundles of joy.
- All my metal mansion friends. You are all just good, solid friends through thick and thin. You have glorified high-fives, long hair and bands like Pantera. I knew nothing of this before I met you guys.
- Road trips to SF where only Zoe can drive.
- Bubbles sammys.
- Bandannas.
- Head.
- Coziness. Clean house, candles burning, fireplace, movies, cookies, good company, heat, happiness.
- Not ever having gotten preggers like everyone else.
- My pops.
- Big family dinners where everyone is laughing.
- Snoqualmie falls.
- Dan Auerbach- thanks for being born.
- Federal Way: never thought I'd say this but we had some good times this year.
- Straighteners. All of us would look like we got electrocuted without them.
- Snuggling.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Bugs.
Ants: Ants are probably the most pointless bug. WHY do we have ants? I often wonder this. What, so anteaters can eat them? When was the last time you heard of an anteater being necessary for any reason? A piece of chicken dropped on the ground this morning, five minutes later I go to pick it up and throw it away and a big ass colony of ants had found their fucking breakfast. So now there's a crawling piece of chicken on the ground. Are you kidding me? Ants are like the polygamist families of people. You know there's one dude ant that gets all the girl ants prego and they just have tons and tons of kids. Then when they find a piece of chicken they all have to tell the rest of the fucking community about it so they can all come together and feast.
Bees: Bees make honey. In my opinion, I'd sacrifice honey for the extinction of bees.
Flies: I compare flies to the stupid people of this world. Their big fat bodies fly around the room in circles for hours at a time, bumping and crashing into windows and never finding their way out. Even if you leave a window or door open the fly will not be able to figure its way out of the room. Flies do nothing for this world but bother people. They don't even contribute anything except being food for spiders. Which leads me to my next point....
Spiders: Spiders eat flies. I get it. "Don't kill the spider because it eats all the bad bugs!" Well how about if there WEREN'T any bad bugs to begin with we wouldn't fucking need spiders now would we? Spiders are the worst. Hands down the worst. Some of them are small and dumb and when you get close enough they just kind of freeze and you can smash the shit out of them with a shoe. Those ones I can deal with. It's the giant smart ones that I really hate. You know they've got these massive brains and they're all just trying to fuck with us. You know they're thinking, "this bitch killed my cousin last week... ima climb in her bed tonight and when she wakes up ima be sittin on her chest. Then when she freaks out and tries to kill me, ima crawl away as fast as I can and hide in a crevice in the wall. Or ima crawl somewhere really high up that she can't reach and just stare at her for the rest of the day. I will not move from this spot for days at a time, just so I can mock her. If she ever gets smart and tries to spray me down with Windex ima just sit here and not die. Cuz I'm fucking invincible and I'm so big and fat that even the toxic shit that could kill a human won't kill me."
Moths: Moths are fucking disgusting. Any bug that makes a large crash when it hits something is not a bug I'm a fan of. Moths, like flies, are fucking stupid. They just fly around looking for light sources. I'd compare them to like, a really horny dude at a party trying to get laid. Just searching and searching and searching the room for somewhere to land.
Cockroaches: Even though they got a deceivingly cool name, they are not cool. They infest themselves in dirty fucking places and populate like wildfire. They're like a big group of ICP raver kids. They all hang out together and pretend to be homeless. Then they hang out in the grossest possible places and squirm around with each other.
Bees: Bees make honey. In my opinion, I'd sacrifice honey for the extinction of bees.
Flies: I compare flies to the stupid people of this world. Their big fat bodies fly around the room in circles for hours at a time, bumping and crashing into windows and never finding their way out. Even if you leave a window or door open the fly will not be able to figure its way out of the room. Flies do nothing for this world but bother people. They don't even contribute anything except being food for spiders. Which leads me to my next point....
Spiders: Spiders eat flies. I get it. "Don't kill the spider because it eats all the bad bugs!" Well how about if there WEREN'T any bad bugs to begin with we wouldn't fucking need spiders now would we? Spiders are the worst. Hands down the worst. Some of them are small and dumb and when you get close enough they just kind of freeze and you can smash the shit out of them with a shoe. Those ones I can deal with. It's the giant smart ones that I really hate. You know they've got these massive brains and they're all just trying to fuck with us. You know they're thinking, "this bitch killed my cousin last week... ima climb in her bed tonight and when she wakes up ima be sittin on her chest. Then when she freaks out and tries to kill me, ima crawl away as fast as I can and hide in a crevice in the wall. Or ima crawl somewhere really high up that she can't reach and just stare at her for the rest of the day. I will not move from this spot for days at a time, just so I can mock her. If she ever gets smart and tries to spray me down with Windex ima just sit here and not die. Cuz I'm fucking invincible and I'm so big and fat that even the toxic shit that could kill a human won't kill me."
Moths: Moths are fucking disgusting. Any bug that makes a large crash when it hits something is not a bug I'm a fan of. Moths, like flies, are fucking stupid. They just fly around looking for light sources. I'd compare them to like, a really horny dude at a party trying to get laid. Just searching and searching and searching the room for somewhere to land.
Cockroaches: Even though they got a deceivingly cool name, they are not cool. They infest themselves in dirty fucking places and populate like wildfire. They're like a big group of ICP raver kids. They all hang out together and pretend to be homeless. Then they hang out in the grossest possible places and squirm around with each other.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
How to live life and not be an asshole at the same time.
DO: Be straight-edge.
DON'T: Shove it in everyone's faces. For example, "Hey man, want a beer?" "What the fuck man, I'm straight-edge I don't do things like that."
DO: Be vegan.
DON'T: Continuously tell meat eaters about the slow and painful death of pigs in factories.
DO: Be knowledgeable about music.
DON'T: Be that high-and-mighty music kid. This includes questioning others on the names of albums, appearing shocked when one has not heard of "this band" or "that band", trying to convince people that Pink Floyd is the best band that ever lived and getting furious when someone disagrees, making others feel ashamed because they don't know about the fucking indie bands you listen to.
DO: Rock your own style.
DON'T: Turn yourself into a walking grandma/grandpa.
DO: Be in a band and be proud of it.
DON'T: Make yourself look like a douche by never shutting up about it.
DO: Be a non-smoker.
DON'T: Warn smokers about the health risks of smoking. THEY KNOW.
DO: Stand firm in your beliefs.
DON'T: Push them on everyone.
DO: Cocaine once at a party.
DON'T: Buy eight balls from Jermaine who's a friend of a friend of a friend and then do them alone at 2 o'clock in the morning with Jermaine because he's the only human around that will hang out with you.
DO: Have a couple cocktails.
DON'T: Have a couple cocktails, eight shots of Jager, twelve beers, and three Four Lokos on a Tuesday afternoon at brunch.
DO: Get tattoos.
DON'T: Get tattoos IF: you are going to be worried that it's going to hurt, everyone else is doing it, you just turned 18, you're 17 but this guy you know will do them out of his house, you are going to bring in your own shitty drawing and be a picky mother fucker, you are worried more about how much it's going to cost than how good of a tattoo you're going to get, you don't know what you want, you don't have any tattoos but want your knuckles done so you can look badass, the shop you're at will actually tattoo your knuckles when you don't have any other tattoos, you want your boyfriend/girlfriend's name.
DO: Crazy things in bed.
DON'T: Brag about it.
DO: Smoke weed.
DON'T: Smoke yourself stupid.
DO: Ecstasy every once in a blue moon.
DON'T: Do ecstasy weekly or buy pills from sketchy dudes.
DO: Be conscious of your weight and looking good.
DON'T: Tell others exactly what you ate today and ask them if "that's bad".
DO: Be a trust fund kid.
DON'T: Act like a trust fund kid.
DO: Drink pop.
DON'T: Call it soda.
DO: Have a Facebook.
DON'T: Use it to let everyone know how miserable you are. Examples, "Another night alone, I'm so sick of not having someone to sleep next to me *tear*".
DO: Get fake tits.
DON'T: Do it because someone told you you should.
DO: Go tanning.
DON'T: Be orange.
DO: Be generous with gifts and money when you feel like you want to.
DON'T: Keep score.
DO: Follow politics and vote.
DON'T: Get mad at me if I choose not to.
DO: Work hard.
DON'T: Continuously whine about how tired you are all the time.
DO: Have a boyfriend/girlfriend.
DON'T: Talk about them 24/7 or relate every given topic back to them.
DO: Get a credit card to build credit.
DON'T: Get a credit card to "build credit" then use it to support your shopping habit or get talked into leasing a car that you will be paying off for the rest of your life.
DO: Take compliments when they are given.
DON'T: Fish for compliments.
DO: Dance.
DON'T: Freak dance.
DO: Thumbs down.
DON'T: Flip the bird.
DO: Be green.
DON'T: Scold everyone around you for not recycling.
DO: Treat yourself.
DON'T: Forget to tip.
DO: Buy everyone a round.
DON'T: Buy everyone around when you're blackout drunk.
DO: Sometimes forget to make your bed.
DON'T: Live in an episode of Hoarders.
DO: Laugh with people.
DON'T: Laugh at people.
DO: Flirt.
DON'T: Flirt with someone's significant other.
DO: Go to college.
DON'T: Piss away your parent's money.
DO: Take days off.
DON'T: Collect unemployment when you're perfectly capable of getting another job.
DO: Get paid for modeling.
DON'T: Pay people to take pictures of you and then call yourself a model.
DON'T: Shove it in everyone's faces. For example, "Hey man, want a beer?" "What the fuck man, I'm straight-edge I don't do things like that."
DO: Be vegan.
DON'T: Continuously tell meat eaters about the slow and painful death of pigs in factories.
DO: Be knowledgeable about music.
DON'T: Be that high-and-mighty music kid. This includes questioning others on the names of albums, appearing shocked when one has not heard of "this band" or "that band", trying to convince people that Pink Floyd is the best band that ever lived and getting furious when someone disagrees, making others feel ashamed because they don't know about the fucking indie bands you listen to.
DO: Rock your own style.
DON'T: Turn yourself into a walking grandma/grandpa.
DO: Be in a band and be proud of it.
DON'T: Make yourself look like a douche by never shutting up about it.
DO: Be a non-smoker.
DON'T: Warn smokers about the health risks of smoking. THEY KNOW.
DO: Stand firm in your beliefs.
DON'T: Push them on everyone.
DO: Cocaine once at a party.
DON'T: Buy eight balls from Jermaine who's a friend of a friend of a friend and then do them alone at 2 o'clock in the morning with Jermaine because he's the only human around that will hang out with you.
DO: Have a couple cocktails.
DON'T: Have a couple cocktails, eight shots of Jager, twelve beers, and three Four Lokos on a Tuesday afternoon at brunch.
DO: Get tattoos.
DON'T: Get tattoos IF: you are going to be worried that it's going to hurt, everyone else is doing it, you just turned 18, you're 17 but this guy you know will do them out of his house, you are going to bring in your own shitty drawing and be a picky mother fucker, you are worried more about how much it's going to cost than how good of a tattoo you're going to get, you don't know what you want, you don't have any tattoos but want your knuckles done so you can look badass, the shop you're at will actually tattoo your knuckles when you don't have any other tattoos, you want your boyfriend/girlfriend's name.
DO: Crazy things in bed.
DON'T: Brag about it.
DO: Smoke weed.
DON'T: Smoke yourself stupid.
DO: Ecstasy every once in a blue moon.
DON'T: Do ecstasy weekly or buy pills from sketchy dudes.
DO: Be conscious of your weight and looking good.
DON'T: Tell others exactly what you ate today and ask them if "that's bad".
DO: Be a trust fund kid.
DON'T: Act like a trust fund kid.
DO: Drink pop.
DON'T: Call it soda.
DO: Have a Facebook.
DON'T: Use it to let everyone know how miserable you are. Examples, "Another night alone, I'm so sick of not having someone to sleep next to me *tear*".
DO: Get fake tits.
DON'T: Do it because someone told you you should.
DO: Go tanning.
DON'T: Be orange.
DO: Be generous with gifts and money when you feel like you want to.
DON'T: Keep score.
DO: Follow politics and vote.
DON'T: Get mad at me if I choose not to.
DO: Work hard.
DON'T: Continuously whine about how tired you are all the time.
DO: Have a boyfriend/girlfriend.
DON'T: Talk about them 24/7 or relate every given topic back to them.
DO: Get a credit card to build credit.
DON'T: Get a credit card to "build credit" then use it to support your shopping habit or get talked into leasing a car that you will be paying off for the rest of your life.
DO: Take compliments when they are given.
DON'T: Fish for compliments.
DO: Dance.
DON'T: Freak dance.
DO: Thumbs down.
DON'T: Flip the bird.
DO: Be green.
DON'T: Scold everyone around you for not recycling.
DO: Treat yourself.
DON'T: Forget to tip.
DO: Buy everyone a round.
DON'T: Buy everyone around when you're blackout drunk.
DO: Sometimes forget to make your bed.
DON'T: Live in an episode of Hoarders.
DO: Laugh with people.
DON'T: Laugh at people.
DO: Flirt.
DON'T: Flirt with someone's significant other.
DO: Go to college.
DON'T: Piss away your parent's money.
DO: Take days off.
DON'T: Collect unemployment when you're perfectly capable of getting another job.
DO: Get paid for modeling.
DON'T: Pay people to take pictures of you and then call yourself a model.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Rules of the game that all men should follow.
Dear men,
I am writing this to you, yes you. If you want the woman of your dreams, well... I can't guarantee that. It's not really up to me. But I can tell you what is important to most girls when it comes down to it, and that's gotta mean something.
1. Find the balance between never going after what you want, and being a total fucking creep. They're both equally horrible. If you see a woman you want, don't be a pussy. Even if you think she's out of your league, there is nothing a woman loves more than a confident man.. or just a man who has balls. Approach her respectably. Most women will not turn you down if they think you are at least normal. Do not "come on" to a woman. Noooooooobody likes that. We're not your prey.
2. Know social cues. Do not touch a woman unless that caress is obviously wanted by both parties. A small brush of a hand against a woman's back can be the sexiest thing ever if done right. Ass-grabbing or getting so close I can smell your dirty alcoholic mouth is disgusting.
3. Persistence can be a really bad thing. If you've tried a couple times, it's not gonna happen. It's not because she's afraid of falling in love with you or is blinded by your hotness. She's not into it.
4. This is strictly my opinion here, but I think this is just wonderful. If you take a lady out, no matter how drunk she gets or how bad she wants it, do not kiss her. Do not fuck her. Make her wait. It'll throw her off, in a good way. I swear to you. Then when you finally do, it will be mind-blowing.
5. Make sure to clean underneath your fingernails. Girls look at that stuff.
6. Don't get really drunk on the first date. How about don't get drunk at all. Take the girl somewhere out of the ordinary.
7. First date: always pay. Just always pay. I will not budge on this one. It's manners every man should follow in my opinion. Yeah, sure, later on if you start dating it can become more equal but on the first date, PAY. There's nothing a girl loves more than thinking of a big strong man paying for her shit.
8. Don't play too hard to get. Games are just kinda dumb. If it's obvious you were both diggin it, I can guarantee she wants you to text her after the date and be like, "look... maybe I'm not 'supposed' to say this but when can I see you again?" If you wait a couple of days, she's just gonna get all anxious and think you don't like her. Just feel out the vibes.
9. As much as it's nice to hear you're "hot", tell a girl something you like about her personality. And be genuine about it. Don't be lame. Figure out that talent she has that she's proud of and compliment her on it.
10. Don't eat gross.
I am writing this to you, yes you. If you want the woman of your dreams, well... I can't guarantee that. It's not really up to me. But I can tell you what is important to most girls when it comes down to it, and that's gotta mean something.
1. Find the balance between never going after what you want, and being a total fucking creep. They're both equally horrible. If you see a woman you want, don't be a pussy. Even if you think she's out of your league, there is nothing a woman loves more than a confident man.. or just a man who has balls. Approach her respectably. Most women will not turn you down if they think you are at least normal. Do not "come on" to a woman. Noooooooobody likes that. We're not your prey.
2. Know social cues. Do not touch a woman unless that caress is obviously wanted by both parties. A small brush of a hand against a woman's back can be the sexiest thing ever if done right. Ass-grabbing or getting so close I can smell your dirty alcoholic mouth is disgusting.
3. Persistence can be a really bad thing. If you've tried a couple times, it's not gonna happen. It's not because she's afraid of falling in love with you or is blinded by your hotness. She's not into it.
4. This is strictly my opinion here, but I think this is just wonderful. If you take a lady out, no matter how drunk she gets or how bad she wants it, do not kiss her. Do not fuck her. Make her wait. It'll throw her off, in a good way. I swear to you. Then when you finally do, it will be mind-blowing.
5. Make sure to clean underneath your fingernails. Girls look at that stuff.
6. Don't get really drunk on the first date. How about don't get drunk at all. Take the girl somewhere out of the ordinary.
7. First date: always pay. Just always pay. I will not budge on this one. It's manners every man should follow in my opinion. Yeah, sure, later on if you start dating it can become more equal but on the first date, PAY. There's nothing a girl loves more than thinking of a big strong man paying for her shit.
8. Don't play too hard to get. Games are just kinda dumb. If it's obvious you were both diggin it, I can guarantee she wants you to text her after the date and be like, "look... maybe I'm not 'supposed' to say this but when can I see you again?" If you wait a couple of days, she's just gonna get all anxious and think you don't like her. Just feel out the vibes.
9. As much as it's nice to hear you're "hot", tell a girl something you like about her personality. And be genuine about it. Don't be lame. Figure out that talent she has that she's proud of and compliment her on it.
10. Don't eat gross.
The obvious.
My name is Geneva. I have blonde hair. I am sitting on a four-legged object called a chair. Did you know if you drink enough alcohol it makes you drunk? Sometimes it's light out, then sometimes it's dark out. If you have sex with a stranger and don't use a condom you might get a disease. The leaves change color in the fall time. Music is heard with your ears. Brushing your teeth makes your teeth not rot. When it's cold it's smart to put on a sweatshirt. If you eat McDonalds every day that means you like McDonalds a lot. Bicycles have two wheels. Cars have four. Grass is green. Unless it's really dry out then it turns this brownish color. Boys have penises. Some people take things too seriously.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Justifications.
Justifications- Excuses people make for themselves when they know they're fucking up but don't want to come to terms.
Just for the record, this is not a drug awareness post. This is shit I say or probably have said regularly so don't take it like I'm being self righteous. Haha.
"You only live once!"
"I'm young. This is what young people do."
"Don't knock it till you try it."
"Live fast, die young."
"I'm in my experimental years."
"They're just jealous."
"Wanna do a bump?"
"It's punk rock and/or metal."
"They're just close-minded."
"I don't care what other people think."
"I can stop any time I want to."
"I'm totally not an addict, alcoholism doesn't even run in my family."
"It really helped us connect on another level."
"It's not heroin, it's oxycontin."
"It's all about moderation."
"No, trust me man, the guy said it was pure."
"I worked there for over 5 years. There's no way they would fire me."
"I just do it on the weekends."
"What's so wrong with having fun."
"Dude, it just mellows you out."
"It helps me focus. I actually think I'm the person I'm SUPPOSED to be when I'm on it."
"Just this once."
"I seriously haven't done it in 7 months."
"It's ok if like, you're not doing it ALLLLL the time."
"It doesn't affect my life."
"They just don't really understand."
"Dude, my mom used to party like this. We smoked weed together the other day."
"Gotta start somewhere, right?"
"You'll totally view the world differently after."
"At least he was hot."
"I don't smoke it, I just snort it. It's way different."
"I have a SPLITTING headache and I just don't know why."
"But that's not why I'm depressed."
"She does it ALL the time, I seriously only do it once in awhile."
"I don't even like it that much."
"I just got dumped."
"It's not like I would ever BUY it. I'll do it if it's offered to me though."
"You just have to be able to handle yourself. Then you're fine."
"As long as it's pure MDMA and not ecstasy it's safe and fun."
"I just need to smoke some weed and I'll be fine."
"They say it's fucking up my life but you know they used to do the same shit."
"I don't have a problem."
"AA is for douchebags."
"I'm not lazy I just genuinely don't enjoy it. If I enjoyed it I would be like the best worker ever."
"No, I'm just tired."
"I don't have money because I work a minimum wage job and I have to pay rent."
"Nothing this awesome can be that bad for you."
Just for the record, this is not a drug awareness post. This is shit I say or probably have said regularly so don't take it like I'm being self righteous. Haha.
"You only live once!"
"I'm young. This is what young people do."
"Don't knock it till you try it."
"Live fast, die young."
"I'm in my experimental years."
"They're just jealous."
"Wanna do a bump?"
"It's punk rock and/or metal."
"They're just close-minded."
"I don't care what other people think."
"I can stop any time I want to."
"I'm totally not an addict, alcoholism doesn't even run in my family."
"It really helped us connect on another level."
"It's not heroin, it's oxycontin."
"It's all about moderation."
"No, trust me man, the guy said it was pure."
"I worked there for over 5 years. There's no way they would fire me."
"I just do it on the weekends."
"What's so wrong with having fun."
"Dude, it just mellows you out."
"It helps me focus. I actually think I'm the person I'm SUPPOSED to be when I'm on it."
"Just this once."
"I seriously haven't done it in 7 months."
"It's ok if like, you're not doing it ALLLLL the time."
"It doesn't affect my life."
"They just don't really understand."
"Dude, my mom used to party like this. We smoked weed together the other day."
"Gotta start somewhere, right?"
"You'll totally view the world differently after."
"At least he was hot."
"I don't smoke it, I just snort it. It's way different."
"I have a SPLITTING headache and I just don't know why."
"But that's not why I'm depressed."
"She does it ALL the time, I seriously only do it once in awhile."
"I don't even like it that much."
"I just got dumped."
"It's not like I would ever BUY it. I'll do it if it's offered to me though."
"You just have to be able to handle yourself. Then you're fine."
"As long as it's pure MDMA and not ecstasy it's safe and fun."
"I just need to smoke some weed and I'll be fine."
"They say it's fucking up my life but you know they used to do the same shit."
"I don't have a problem."
"AA is for douchebags."
"I'm not lazy I just genuinely don't enjoy it. If I enjoyed it I would be like the best worker ever."
"No, I'm just tired."
"I don't have money because I work a minimum wage job and I have to pay rent."
"Nothing this awesome can be that bad for you."
Best ways to insure you continue missing your ex forever.
1. Get completely and fully belligerent as often as possible. This way, you will feel really overjoyed about nothing for two-three hours and then all of a sudden, in the middle of a bar with no hot guys, you will feel a feeling of complete and utter loneliness. When this loneliness attacks, you will do almost ANYTHING to make it go away. Loneliness suppression tips: lines of cocaine in the bathroom, texting and/or calling your ex or anybody for that matter who has ever shown you any kind of attention whatsoever, or, my next point.....
2. Have sex with a guy you hardly know and doesn't compare in any way, shape or form to your ex. This way, it will be a great reminder how awesome your sex life USED to be, and how guilty and worthless you feel now.
3. Make sure you have Facebook accessible on your phone at all times. Facebook is your home page with your ex's username and password locked. This way, you will have easy access to everything he/she is doing and everyone he/she is doing at all times. You will constantly feel uneasy and sad, but at least you will have full control over their Facebook page.
4. Re-read the love letters he/she wrote you in the beginning of your relationship as to never forget the fact that you once had a perfect romance. If no love letters were written, I'm positive there are other ways to torture yourself. Sometimes it helps to just sit there in silence, shut your eyes, and re-imagine all the things you really loved about the person. This will lead to re-living wonderful memories and fond feelings toward the ex. Once this happens, you will immediately experience sorrow.
5. Try to put yourself in places/situations you think your ex might be. Continuously ask if your ex is going to be there, and if the answer is yes, ALWAYS show up.
6. You can also drive by your ex's place of employment. This will give you no satisfaction, because you won't see them, you will just see the building they work in and, if you're lucky, their car. But if you do it enough times, hopefully one of these days you'll see them on their lunch break. But they won't see you, because you'll be driving by really fast.
7. Listen to songs that you both cherished as a couple. Loud. In the car. Alone. So as to cry and yearn for them in your bones.
8. Write a long list of all the things you love about your ex. Then slip it in their mailbox. They are sure to want you back now.
9. Make sure you remind people over and over the "cute" story of how you guys met, and how you and his/her mom are still close.
10. Keep some of their clothes and wear them to bed. Never wash them, so as to keep their scent with you forever.
11. Accidentally run into their close friends regularly. Pry them about details of your ex's current life, including whether or not your ex is "home very much". Or, if they've been "hanging out with anybody new". Always make an effort to become closest with your ex's friends at this time.
12. Make sure to masturbate at least two times daily. This will remind you that you no longer have someone doing the job for you.
13. Always leave something important to you at your ex's house. That way, not all ties are cut.
14. Be alone as much as humanly possible. Do not hang out with your friends or family ever. Give yourself much time to sit in silence and think. Make sure the room is dark.
15. Watch "The Notebook".
16. Talk a lot of shit about your ex's new girlfriend/boyfriend. This will make you look really cool.
17. Write a lot of sad quotes/lyrics on Facebook. Your ex is totally gonna read them, and this will make them want you desperately.
18. Friend request your ex's new girlfriend/boyfriend. Make sure to "like" a lot of their status'. This will make you appear to be "happy" for them as to make them think you are so fucking mature.
19. Consistently pursue your ex for the "closure you never got". Be it coffee, lunch, or maybe just a accidental sexual rendez-vous. I mean, that would definitely give you closure. Just seeing them one more time.
20. Text them things like, "oh hey.. what's the name of that one band?" or, "do you have that one DVD I left at your place?" These are things you actually don't give two fucks about, they just initiate conversation... hopefully.
21. Make a fake Facebook of a girl, then see if your ex will take the bait. If he doesn't, you know there's still a chance.
22. Constantly tell yourself there could have been something you could have done to prevent the break-up.
23. Start doing LOTS of drugs. Drugs help to alleviate some of the loneliness temporarily, but the comedown propels you into a world of depression- linked with undeniable loneliness and anxiety. You will be ridden with the memory of the comfort you had when you were laying in your ex's arms. This is a rude awakening and reminder of your current state of simply just "existing". Not to mention nobody loves you.
24. Make sure that while you're doing these drugs, you are with a group of losers.
25. Also, make sure these drugs keep you up for days on end. Therefore, you will have more time to think about said ex. No need to waste thoughts that could be used for lonely purposes on sleeping.
26. Become fully engulfed in a really bad relationship. This way, it will remind you every day of how much you miss your ex.
27. Or, if you're not a "relationship" person anymore, just get a not-so-attractive fuck buddy. This ALWAYS guarantees that you will stay drunk because you will never, EVER have to face the reality of how shitty they are. And we all know, staying drunk always leads to many thoughts of the ex.
28. Dine alone.
29. The album of you and your ex on Facebook? Don't take it down. Just make it only viewable by YOU.
30. And just remember, every thought and word you speak can ALWAYS be related back to your ex. Make it work.
2. Have sex with a guy you hardly know and doesn't compare in any way, shape or form to your ex. This way, it will be a great reminder how awesome your sex life USED to be, and how guilty and worthless you feel now.
3. Make sure you have Facebook accessible on your phone at all times. Facebook is your home page with your ex's username and password locked. This way, you will have easy access to everything he/she is doing and everyone he/she is doing at all times. You will constantly feel uneasy and sad, but at least you will have full control over their Facebook page.
4. Re-read the love letters he/she wrote you in the beginning of your relationship as to never forget the fact that you once had a perfect romance. If no love letters were written, I'm positive there are other ways to torture yourself. Sometimes it helps to just sit there in silence, shut your eyes, and re-imagine all the things you really loved about the person. This will lead to re-living wonderful memories and fond feelings toward the ex. Once this happens, you will immediately experience sorrow.
5. Try to put yourself in places/situations you think your ex might be. Continuously ask if your ex is going to be there, and if the answer is yes, ALWAYS show up.
6. You can also drive by your ex's place of employment. This will give you no satisfaction, because you won't see them, you will just see the building they work in and, if you're lucky, their car. But if you do it enough times, hopefully one of these days you'll see them on their lunch break. But they won't see you, because you'll be driving by really fast.
7. Listen to songs that you both cherished as a couple. Loud. In the car. Alone. So as to cry and yearn for them in your bones.
8. Write a long list of all the things you love about your ex. Then slip it in their mailbox. They are sure to want you back now.
9. Make sure you remind people over and over the "cute" story of how you guys met, and how you and his/her mom are still close.
10. Keep some of their clothes and wear them to bed. Never wash them, so as to keep their scent with you forever.
11. Accidentally run into their close friends regularly. Pry them about details of your ex's current life, including whether or not your ex is "home very much". Or, if they've been "hanging out with anybody new". Always make an effort to become closest with your ex's friends at this time.
12. Make sure to masturbate at least two times daily. This will remind you that you no longer have someone doing the job for you.
13. Always leave something important to you at your ex's house. That way, not all ties are cut.
14. Be alone as much as humanly possible. Do not hang out with your friends or family ever. Give yourself much time to sit in silence and think. Make sure the room is dark.
15. Watch "The Notebook".
16. Talk a lot of shit about your ex's new girlfriend/boyfriend. This will make you look really cool.
17. Write a lot of sad quotes/lyrics on Facebook. Your ex is totally gonna read them, and this will make them want you desperately.
18. Friend request your ex's new girlfriend/boyfriend. Make sure to "like" a lot of their status'. This will make you appear to be "happy" for them as to make them think you are so fucking mature.
19. Consistently pursue your ex for the "closure you never got". Be it coffee, lunch, or maybe just a accidental sexual rendez-vous. I mean, that would definitely give you closure. Just seeing them one more time.
20. Text them things like, "oh hey.. what's the name of that one band?" or, "do you have that one DVD I left at your place?" These are things you actually don't give two fucks about, they just initiate conversation... hopefully.
21. Make a fake Facebook of a girl, then see if your ex will take the bait. If he doesn't, you know there's still a chance.
22. Constantly tell yourself there could have been something you could have done to prevent the break-up.
23. Start doing LOTS of drugs. Drugs help to alleviate some of the loneliness temporarily, but the comedown propels you into a world of depression- linked with undeniable loneliness and anxiety. You will be ridden with the memory of the comfort you had when you were laying in your ex's arms. This is a rude awakening and reminder of your current state of simply just "existing". Not to mention nobody loves you.
24. Make sure that while you're doing these drugs, you are with a group of losers.
25. Also, make sure these drugs keep you up for days on end. Therefore, you will have more time to think about said ex. No need to waste thoughts that could be used for lonely purposes on sleeping.
26. Become fully engulfed in a really bad relationship. This way, it will remind you every day of how much you miss your ex.
27. Or, if you're not a "relationship" person anymore, just get a not-so-attractive fuck buddy. This ALWAYS guarantees that you will stay drunk because you will never, EVER have to face the reality of how shitty they are. And we all know, staying drunk always leads to many thoughts of the ex.
28. Dine alone.
29. The album of you and your ex on Facebook? Don't take it down. Just make it only viewable by YOU.
30. And just remember, every thought and word you speak can ALWAYS be related back to your ex. Make it work.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Octobes.
It's all stormy today. Stormy fall nights give me that bittersweet nostalgic feeling. Only fall really does this to me and I don't know why. But I'd have to say I like it.
Fall makes me want to drive around pointlessly at strange hours of the night. Watch the leaves circling around in the wind. Maybe drive through ghetto neighborhoods and feel invincible cuz I'm in my nice warm LOCKED car.
Got to talkin today, and it's weird. When you think back to times in your life and you were like, "those were the good old days". Sometimes I think back to periods of time and a fondness comes over me, this undeniable longing to be there again. Then I will remember that at that time I actually wasn't happy at all. But there's this feeling of wanting to go back. And it makes me think, I should really be happy today and every day. Because in a certain matter of time I am going to look back on myself RIGHT NOW and miss it.
Sometimes I worry that I am going to be alone forever. Not in a "feel bad for me" kind of way. It's just a legitimate worry. Like, what if I meet a lot of people but no one ever really works out for me? I guess it's not something I have control over, and I should probably just leave it up to God. But it's somethin you wonder kinda. Cuz don't you think it would be sad? To never really find that person in your life? I wanna be one of those old people holding hands with my signifant other old person and take a really long time crossing the street.
Anywayyy, guess that's all. Fall is fun and so is that weird nostalgia feeling.
Oh also, I really don't like people that refer to fall as "autumn". It sounds old personish or like it would be the name of some white trash chick so just don't do it.
Fall makes me want to drive around pointlessly at strange hours of the night. Watch the leaves circling around in the wind. Maybe drive through ghetto neighborhoods and feel invincible cuz I'm in my nice warm LOCKED car.
Got to talkin today, and it's weird. When you think back to times in your life and you were like, "those were the good old days". Sometimes I think back to periods of time and a fondness comes over me, this undeniable longing to be there again. Then I will remember that at that time I actually wasn't happy at all. But there's this feeling of wanting to go back. And it makes me think, I should really be happy today and every day. Because in a certain matter of time I am going to look back on myself RIGHT NOW and miss it.
Sometimes I worry that I am going to be alone forever. Not in a "feel bad for me" kind of way. It's just a legitimate worry. Like, what if I meet a lot of people but no one ever really works out for me? I guess it's not something I have control over, and I should probably just leave it up to God. But it's somethin you wonder kinda. Cuz don't you think it would be sad? To never really find that person in your life? I wanna be one of those old people holding hands with my signifant other old person and take a really long time crossing the street.
Anywayyy, guess that's all. Fall is fun and so is that weird nostalgia feeling.
Oh also, I really don't like people that refer to fall as "autumn". It sounds old personish or like it would be the name of some white trash chick so just don't do it.
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