Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Things I will never understand.

- The game of football. Do not explain it to me, I'm not listening.

- Required P.E. classes. So let me get this straight, you're gonna feed us liquid cheese and deep-fried taquitos for lunch and then require us to run? You're telling me that my G.P.A. is partially based on whether or not I will participate in standing around ducking from rubber balls?

- Drama queens. If you would shut up, a lot more people would like you.

- History class. I will forget everything.

- Math class that exceeds 5th grade. No one gives a fuck.

- Non-alcoholic beer. You never drank it for the taste.

- Mike's Hard Lemonade. I like to have diarrhea and not get drunk too.

- Hummers. "I have a small penis".

- Money. We have enough trees to just print more, right? Let's do that.

- Toupees. A painfully obvious reminder of how sad your life has become.

- Child birth. How does this appeal to people.

- "Caffeine addiction". You made it up.

- The stringy shit on bananas and the white stuff on oranges. Also things with seeds. It is almost too much effort to eat you, seeing as how I have to de-grossify you before ingesting. Nanners are worth it. Oranges, not so much.

- The use of walnuts in cooking. Here's a good way to sabotage a good thing.

- Miley Cyrus. I just can't even find one good thing about you.

- Musicals. Let's get to the dialogue already, shall we.


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