Commonly made mistakes.

Common mistakes that have been made by me and other people:

- Plucking the SHIT out of your eyebrows. This is a tragic disaster that is made when one comes into contact with a pair of tweezers while on meth or while feeling really, really bad about themselves. It results in either no eyebrows, or a thin strand of stray hairs on one's forehead.

- Plucking the SHIT out of your eyebrows, then coming into contact with a brown eye pencil. When one plucks the shit out of their eyebrows, they realize a detrimental mistake has been made, resulting in two drawn-on lines of brown or black to replace what they once had.

- Muffin top. Sometimes folks are unaware of the fact that their midsection does not look like :This results in this unaware person wearing low-cut jeans and belly shirts.

- Orange face, white neck. I have made this mistake many times in my high school career. Bronzer can be a curse.

- Orange person. This mistake occurs when one works at a tanning salon and gets to tan for free every day. Just because you can, does not mean you should. This also occurs when one goes spray tanning, when one works at a gym, or when one lives on the Jersey Shore. Lastly, it occurs when one is in high school and buys a tanning membership.

- Mom jeans. Mom jeans consist of straight-leg jeans that rise above the bellybutton and result in a triangle shape around the vagine, and a slight wedgie in the rear. Mom jeans can be spotted at any park, zoo, school, playground, J.C. Penny, or minivan near you.

- Spider lashes. Spider lashes are very familiar to me, as I had them for probably ten years straight. Spider lashes are created when one buys "extra black" mascara and proceeds to coat layer upon layer over the lashes, until they are no longer lashes but just clumps of black extending from the eyelid.

- Cake face. Cake face occurs when one does not realize that they do not need seventy-two layers of foundation on their face, but simply just one.

- Bleach head. Bleach head occurs when one wants to dye their hair blonde and tries to do it themselves. You may have also seen this in 1998, on the heads of sixth-grade boys across the country. This was around the time Eminem became popular.

- The two-bra. This occurs when a fifteen-year-old girl has no boobs, so she purchases padded bras and wears to of them at the same time. This mistake can be easily spotted when you see a girl with an uncanny amount of bra straps on each shoulder.

- Crocs. Do I need to say more?

- The running shoe guy. This occurs when you meet a well-dressed, attractive dude, who you automatically would not consider because he is wearing a pair of old running shoes.

- Attack of the acrylic. This mistake occurs when one is ordering from Taco Bell and happens to notice that the female cashier has ten inch acrylic nails that she is using to poke buttons on the register. It can be very frightening and can lead to very strange thoughts.

- Face eater. Face eaters are folks whose brains do not connect with the nerves in their tongue, resulting in their prey being mauled with saliva.

- Male in pink shirt. This occurs when one is a chad.

- Stuck in the eighties. This unbelievable phenomena occurs when one over the age of forty does not realize it is 2010.

- The bun. The bun is often seen on teenage cheerleaders or girls in Juicy suits. It results in one's hair being piled atop the head and then pulled tight into a bun-like form.

- Inside-out sweatshirt. This occurs when one does not wash their clothes.

- Panty line. Panty line is formed when a female has not come to the understanding that full-butt underwear are a.) not comfortable, b.) not sexy, and c.) never to be worn underneath a tight skirt.

- Entering a tattoo shop on your eighteenth birthday. Nothing good has, or ever will come of this.

- Drunk girl/drunk guy. This occurs when one member of a group has not eaten that day. It results in a fight, everyone hating you, diarrhea of the mouth, face eating, hospital visits, random sex, STD's, DUI's, and karaoke.

- Shirts with slogans. Can often be found on people who think they're cool or witty.

- Too much caffeine. Results: shaking of the hands, headaches, clenching of the jaw, spilling and/or dropping things, shitting your pants.

- Too much reefer. Results: consuming 4,000 calories, watching Cartoon Network, kind of feeling like one is going to die, loss of movement in one's extremities, the pizza guy getting a really good tip, uncontrollable laughter at facial expressions, awesome sex.

- Turtlenecks. These devices were created for folks who do not, by any means, want to convey an ounce of sex appeal. Ever.

- The sag. The sag occurs when a male puts on pants, but not really.

- Thong attack. This can be commonly found among females who occupy their time in frat houses, or can randomly be found when looking over at a female sitting at another table at the Old Country Buffet. It occurs when a female wears jeans down to their pubes, and then pulls their thong up their asscrack in hopes that a male will come along and mate with them.

- One night stands. One night stands occur when two people are drunk and horny, or when a female is drunk and horny and a male is sober and horny. They can be found on your couch Friday and Saturday nights.

- Lip liner resembling that of Eminem's ex-wife Kim. This occurs when one buys black lip liner and lines their lips with it. The outcome resembles that of Eminem's ex-wife Kim, which, to my understanding, should not be a look anyone is going for.

- Drunk text. This mistake is made when one gets obliterated and finds it necessary to make it known to as many people as possible.

- C.O.D. "C.O.D." or, "cologne over dirt" occurs when a male does not shower, but owns a bottle of cologne. It results in immediate evacuation of a room and chronic migraines to those the male comes in contact with.

- Growout. Growout occurs when bleach heads get lazy.

- Pissing off your cat. Results: your cat pissing on your stuff.

- Unprotected sex. This is an all-too-common mistake made by folks who like to play Russian Roulette with their genitals. Results can range anywhere from, "thank god" to "oh fuck".

- Listening to Rise Against. Results: contemplating ending your life.

- Listening to Miley Cyrus. Results: see above.

- Making a Facebook account. Upon completion, one will not be able to listen to a song without thinking, "I should post that as my facebook status".

- "Hella". You'll never stop saying it.