A Story.

Can't go back now. The decision has been made in one swift, effortless move. I am starting to feel sweaty and excited. The kind of excitement you feel when you're spooning with a guy you like and are thinking about sex, or when your drug dealer answers his phone. The kind of excitement that makes you poop.

I look at him and I know it is only a matter of time, now. We lay around and do normal things. Go outside and smoke a cigarette. Walk inside and go on the computer. Look at things. Make pointless conversation. The kind you make when you're waiting for something to happen. You'll never remember what it was about.

I am not sure what to expect, so I continue on with my normalcy. When it stops being normal, I'll know.

In what felt like half a second, everything changed. It's as if it had crawled slowly down my spine and burst at once, combusting inside my little body, not knowing where to go or what to do, only that it was there.

I looked over at him and I knew he was starting to feel it, too. I sensed a panic in him, almost. Our sentences to each other felt brief, almost robotic. "You feel it?" "Um, I dunno." "I feel it." Conversation felt extremely weird, wrong. Distorted. My eyes roll back.

I am no longer in control of my extremities. I lay on my back and I feel like a cat in heat. When I breathe, the sound of each breath is magnified inside my head. I hear myself sighing loudly in and out, and I wonder if I am the only one that can hear it. I am not inside my head now, I am inside someone else's. I rub my body all over the sheets. I start to feel a little overwhelmed, almost scared. What is this that's going on? Will this pass? It felt to be too much.

My entire being is warm. Blood has rushed to every part of me, warm blood. Tingly blood. Happy blood. My eyes shutter as if I'm blinking them uncontrollably but I'm not. I open a piece of gum and put it in my mouth. It is shockingly sweet, and it doesn't feel right. It is as if my saliva is breaking it down, and it is disintigrating into nothing but a tiny strand as thin as a hair. I chew it hard, mouth opening and closing dramatically with every chew. My brain is spinning and I have no recollection as to what is going on or what he is doing or feeling, I am purely living for each single moment. I twiddle the gum wrapper between my fingers and it becomes smaller and smaller, until it disappears completely.

I stand and feel as if my head was once a bowling ball glued to that bed and now I am light as a feather. Every feeling I have ever felt in my life rushes up to my head at this very moment. I literally dance across the carpet, twirling around like a ballerina in long, graceful strides. This is quite the feeling. A grin overcomes my face, I am laughing. I am pursing my lips. I am grabbing my tits and running around the room. The cat is not a cat. The carpet is now my grass and I am in a meadow filled with flowers.