Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Rules of the game that all men should follow.

Dear men,

I am writing this to you, yes you. If you want the woman of your dreams, well... I can't guarantee that. It's not really up to me. But I can tell you what is important to most girls when it comes down to it, and that's gotta mean something.

1. Find the balance between never going after what you want, and being a total fucking creep. They're both equally horrible. If you see a woman you want, don't be a pussy. Even if you think she's out of your league, there is nothing a woman loves more than a confident man.. or just a man who has balls. Approach her respectably. Most women will not turn you down if they think you are at least normal. Do not "come on" to a woman. Noooooooobody likes that. We're not your prey.

2. Know social cues. Do not touch a woman unless that caress is obviously wanted by both parties. A small brush of a hand against a woman's back can be the sexiest thing ever if done right. Ass-grabbing or getting so close I can smell your dirty alcoholic mouth is disgusting.

3. Persistence can be a really bad thing. If you've tried a couple times, it's not gonna happen. It's not because she's afraid of falling in love with you or is blinded by your hotness. She's not into it.

4. This is strictly my opinion here, but I think this is just wonderful. If you take a lady out, no matter how drunk she gets or how bad she wants it, do not kiss her. Do not fuck her. Make her wait. It'll throw her off, in a good way. I swear to you. Then when you finally do, it will be mind-blowing.

5. Make sure to clean underneath your fingernails. Girls look at that stuff.

6. Don't get really drunk on the first date. How about don't get drunk at all. Take the girl somewhere out of the ordinary.

7. First date: always pay. Just always pay. I will not budge on this one. It's manners every man should follow in my opinion. Yeah, sure, later on if you start dating it can become more equal but on the first date, PAY. There's nothing a girl loves more than thinking of a big strong man paying for her shit.

8. Don't play too hard to get. Games are just kinda dumb. If it's obvious you were both diggin it, I can guarantee she wants you to text her after the date and be like, "look... maybe I'm not 'supposed' to say this but when can I see you again?" If you wait a couple of days, she's just gonna get all anxious and think you don't like her. Just feel out the vibes.

9. As much as it's nice to hear you're "hot", tell a girl something you like about her personality. And be genuine about it. Don't be lame. Figure out that talent she has that she's proud of and compliment her on it.

10. Don't eat gross.

6 comments:

  1. Please can this get published so boys/men can get a damn clue?

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  2. I wishhhhh! Men must learn the ways of the world!

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  3. Wrong wrong wrong.

    #4 - Always press the advantage until she makes you stop. Doing otherwise will get you labled a "nice guy" who is firmly in the friend zone and who will never get laid. Ever. Not even by a prostitute.

    #7 - Never pay before she has put out. Otherwise, she'll subconsciously believe that you think she's too good for you and you're compensating by paying for her. If you really want her to swoon for you, make her pay. Even better, make her pay, then tell her you need gas money to get home. She'll tell everyone what an asshole you are, but secretly she'll just want you more.

    #8 - For gawd's sake, don't call her right away. If you really are that desperate, at east try and pretend you're not. The more anxious you can make her the more she'll appreciate it when you *do* call her. Of course, if you freak her out enough that she snaps (remember that all women are crazy) pulls out a weapon and kills you, I waive all responsibility.

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  4. I do not take advice from bouncers, especially not ones who kick out underage girls.

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  5. ...and say you look as young as Mary?

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