Best ways to insure you continue missing your ex forever.

1. Get completely and fully belligerent as often as possible. This way, you will feel really overjoyed about nothing for two-three hours and then all of a sudden, in the middle of a bar with no hot guys, you will feel a feeling of complete and utter loneliness. When this loneliness attacks, you will do almost ANYTHING to make it go away. Loneliness suppression tips: lines of cocaine in the bathroom, texting and/or calling your ex or anybody for that matter who has ever shown you any kind of attention whatsoever, or, my next point.....

2. Have sex with a guy you hardly know and doesn't compare in any way, shape or form to your ex. This way, it will be a great reminder how awesome your sex life USED to be, and how guilty and worthless you feel now.

3. Make sure you have Facebook accessible on your phone at all times. Facebook is your home page with your ex's username and password locked. This way, you will have easy access to everything he/she is doing and everyone he/she is doing at all times. You will constantly feel uneasy and sad, but at least you will have full control over their Facebook page.

4. Re-read the love letters he/she wrote you in the beginning of your relationship as to never forget the fact that you once had a perfect romance. If no love letters were written, I'm positive there are other ways to torture yourself. Sometimes it helps to just sit there in silence, shut your eyes, and re-imagine all the things you really loved about the person. This will lead to re-living wonderful memories and fond feelings toward the ex. Once this happens, you will immediately experience sorrow.

5. Try to put yourself in places/situations you think your ex might be. Continuously ask if your ex is going to be there, and if the answer is yes, ALWAYS show up.

6. You can also drive by your ex's place of employment. This will give you no satisfaction, because you won't see them, you will just see the building they work in and, if you're lucky, their car. But if you do it enough times, hopefully one of these days you'll see them on their lunch break. But they won't see you, because you'll be driving by really fast.

7. Listen to songs that you both cherished as a couple. Loud. In the car. Alone. So as to cry and yearn for them in your bones.

8. Write a long list of all the things you love about your ex. Then slip it in their mailbox. They are sure to want you back now.

9. Make sure you remind people over and over the "cute" story of how you guys met, and how you and his/her mom are still close.

10. Keep some of their clothes and wear them to bed. Never wash them, so as to keep their scent with you forever.

11. Accidentally run into their close friends regularly. Pry them about details of your ex's current life, including whether or not your ex is "home very much". Or, if they've been "hanging out with anybody new". Always make an effort to become closest with your ex's friends at this time.

12. Make sure to masturbate at least two times daily. This will remind you that you no longer have someone doing the job for you.

13. Always leave something important to you at your ex's house. That way, not all ties are cut.

14. Be alone as much as humanly possible. Do not hang out with your friends or family ever. Give yourself much time to sit in silence and think. Make sure the room is dark.

15. Watch "The Notebook".

16. Talk a lot of shit about your ex's new girlfriend/boyfriend. This will make you look really cool.

17. Write a lot of sad quotes/lyrics on Facebook. Your ex is totally gonna read them, and this will make them want you desperately.

18. Friend request your ex's new girlfriend/boyfriend. Make sure to "like" a lot of their status'. This will make you appear to be "happy" for them as to make them think you are so fucking mature.

19. Consistently pursue your ex for the "closure you never got". Be it coffee, lunch, or maybe just a accidental sexual rendez-vous. I mean, that would definitely give you closure. Just seeing them one more time.

20. Text them things like, "oh hey.. what's the name of that one band?" or, "do you have that one DVD I left at your place?" These are things you actually don't give two fucks about, they just initiate conversation... hopefully.

21. Make a fake Facebook of a girl, then see if your ex will take the bait. If he doesn't, you know there's still a chance.

22. Constantly tell yourself there could have been something you could have done to prevent the break-up.

23. Start doing LOTS of drugs. Drugs help to alleviate some of the loneliness temporarily, but the comedown propels you into a world of depression- linked with undeniable loneliness and anxiety. You will be ridden with the memory of the comfort you had when you were laying in your ex's arms. This is a rude awakening and reminder of your current state of simply just "existing". Not to mention nobody loves you.

24. Make sure that while you're doing these drugs, you are with a group of losers.

25. Also, make sure these drugs keep you up for days on end. Therefore, you will have more time to think about said ex. No need to waste thoughts that could be used for lonely purposes on sleeping.

26. Become fully engulfed in a really bad relationship. This way, it will remind you every day of how much you miss your ex.

27. Or, if you're not a "relationship" person anymore, just get a not-so-attractive fuck buddy. This ALWAYS guarantees that you will stay drunk because you will never, EVER have to face the reality of how shitty they are. And we all know, staying drunk always leads to many thoughts of the ex.

28. Dine alone.

29. The album of you and your ex on Facebook? Don't take it down. Just make it only viewable by YOU.

30. And just remember, every thought and word you speak can ALWAYS be related back to your ex. Make it work.